Thursday, May 17, 2007

Uvula, Bank Fees, Internet, and Shaving.

I had the most interesting experience the other day. Have you ever seen a baby in front of a mirror when they first realize that it isn't another baby, but is in fact themselves? Did you ever notice the way the seem so genuinely intrigued and interested in their own anatomy, and like to make cooing noises as they figure out what "hands" are and how they work? If only they knew...
Anyway, I had a similar experience in front of the bathroom mirror on Tuesday. At least, I think it was Tuesday. See, my braces like to tear parts of my cheeks away, and in the freshly opened gaps, different things happen. Food gets lodged, bacteria start to grow, new cheek starts to cover over it all. The point is, I have to do some regular maintenance. Every other day or so, I go in and clean them out. Well, on Tuesday as I was cleaning out my braces cuts, I decided to depress my tongue. You know that line that goes down the back of your mouth? It isn't a solid structure! It's your Uvula! I was astonished, like you don't even know. I probably spent the next fifteen minutes playing with my uvula (not a euphemism) and making funny sounds. It was nice to be able to return to baby-land for a while and get all excited about a part of my anatomy with which I wasn't intimately familiar. I'm still kind of smiling just thinking about it. If you haven't discovered your uvula yet, I'd definitely advise it; it'll put a smile on your face.

I went to the bank today. Always a harrowing experience. I found out that nine days ago, they had hit me with about 143 USD worth of overdraft fees for charges that I had made almost a whole week before that. Heaven forbid they TELL ME! Especially since it was almost the end of the day on the date of my overdraft when I went to an ATM to check and it said that I still had a balance. The bank very kindly agreed to reverse 81 dollars worth of them, but... growl. The teller tells me, "It's not the bank's job to monitor your money." I honestly don't know why I would use a bank instead of keeping my cash in a jar under my pillow (other than the fact that that would make sleeping uncomfortable) if that's the truth. The entire POINT of the banking system is that they help you monitor your money. That's why we use banks instead of piggy banks! Growl. So, anyway, I'm back to being broke. And I still haven't started. I've given up on that job at the computer place. It doesn't take three weeks to run paper work. He shouldn't have offered if he didn't mean it. Jerk.

The internet is working again. When my parents moved, I only had internet access when I sat in just the right spot and the wind wasn't blowing so I could steal the neighbor's WiFi. The comcast man came by today. He wasn't remotely attractive, but he activated our internet access! So I can now surf for longer periods of time uninterrupted and get back to making comments; I've fallen behind.

For those of you who don't know, I was until recently blessed with the ability to go for long periods of time without shaving. I could push three weeks and only people who saw me moderately often would notice. Oh cruel world, it is no longer so! My chin hair isn't as soft as it used to be, or as blond! Do you know what that means? I actually have to shave regularly now. While a part of me is kind of excited because it's something that everybody else does and it kind of vindicates me as a man, it means that I have to get up a couple minutes earlier to make it out the door.

And I'm headed back to camp this weekend. I love camp. Really, truly, I won't ever be able to get married because I'm in love with camp. I may have already said that, but I'm too lazy to check. Less-journaly post to follow in near future.

-Stephen

7 comments:

drex said...

Soon even that small part of you that likes shaving will die. Then you'll realize that it's just one of those curses that men have to live with.

And then one day you'll realize it's better than shaving your legs and having pieces of organs dissolving and falling out of your body on a monthly basis, and you'll be glad you're a man. =D

Also, congrats on the more constant internet access!

playasinmar said...

Truly, deeply profound, Drex.

Also: way gross.

drex said...

What can I say, I aim to please.

brother bob said...

I'm agreeing with brother Drex here. Shaving sucks. He and I were blessed with comparative sparseness...but we were cursed with our father's speedy growth. And that's why I can't go more than two days without it looking freaking retarded (like I'm trying to grow something out but can't, but it's really only been two days and I'm not trying anything, honest).

Also: why do you need a bank when you have a CRAZY MOM to monitor your money? That's my boat. I got frequent calls about the money in both of my accounts and got reprimanded for spending too much money at the grocery store because she misinterpreted the statement (thinking that I'd splurged a bunch of money on the interweb, or some such).

That is all.

Abelard Enigma said...

I went through my whole mission only having to shave 2 or 3 times per week. And, being a convert, I was older than most (I was 22 years old when I left on my mission).

It wasn't until I was married and had kids that I finally had to start shaving every day.

But, now I'm an old curmudgeon and I work out of my home. So, I'm back to only shaving 2 or 3 times per week. I look like crap, but I don't care :) (when I was standing in the gay line in the preexistance, I think they must have run out of fashion sense when I got to the front of the line)

Alex said...

Someone has hit puberty! Haha, I know you hit it a long time ago. That is funny how you had a funny shift in this though.

Anyway, does this mean you aren't going to my halo party and decided not to tell me that?

Anonymous said...

I really like when people are expressing their opinion and thought. So I like the way you are writing

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