Every now and then it's important to focus on something besides that issue which clouds up most of our thoughts and issues. This blog will try to do that until the very end, where I have a couple of things I need to unload. Anyway, for those of you who know me moderately well, you know when I'm not out Boyscouting, my job is in the theatre. As a result, I try to keep myself well read in terms of plays and musicals so that I can keep up with any conversations. I also like to keep up on history (because it changes so often!). Between it all, I've noticed some trends.
Almost month, almost every season, almost every everything seems to be an excuse to go out and get laid! From Camelot, we have the title of my post. Isn't that an interesting song? Rogers' and Hammerstein's give us, "June is Busting Out All Over" from their musical, Carousel. The song is one giant, nasty innuendo. Gross. Did you know that Hl.St. Valentine's day was actually placed on the same day as an old Roman sex holiday, which was itself selected because of a correlation to the birds mating season? Back to the theatrical, "Summer Love" from Grease seems appropriate to the conversation at hand. As does the concept of a "Spring Fling" although I don't have a catchy song to cite here.
So, why is it that people feel the need to blame their thoughts and actions on something else. Or do people actually become more, erm, "active" in the spring and summer? I mean, if it were just May, or just June, or even just Summer, I could understand it, but half the year now seems to be dedicated to having sex... Maybe we need to tone it down... Maybe we need to have a summer not-love song, or an, "It's May!, It's May! The Celibate Month of May!". But then, I guess that probably wouldn't sell as well, would it?
Now on to complications in my life, that I'm really less than thrilled about. Yesterday I found out that I am both loved and hated. I mean, I've always had a fan club and people that dislike me, but it's usually a professional thing because I was so good at debate. To see that anybody has actually developed a hatred for me as a personal, private citizen is more than moderately upsetting. Especially since that somebody is my little brother. Yeah, we'll call him James.
I asked him yesterday why he was so angry since I'd gotten back, and he said to me, "I hate you, I think you're a pompous jackass, and having you home is like torture for me. I don't want to talk about it." For the record, Merriam Webster, which I really dislike, told me that "pompous" means "magnificent, splendid." I guess that's kind of cool. I can be a splendid jackass, I guess...
We talked a little, but eventually he closed up. This morning, he asked me if he could start working out with me. I think the kid's Bipolar. You don't tell somebody you hate them and then ask if you can work out with them... at least, most people don't...
Kevin and I had a long conversation yesterday. He understands that I can't, and won't, have sex with him, no matter how serious we get. And he seems to be wholly kosher with that. The problem is that he later slipped out the "L" word. For fear of judgement, I don't want to get into all the specifics of that conversation, but I have no idea what I'm going to do now... I really would like to not have to stop spending time with him, but I can see that he's taking me in a direction I don't want to go... At least, I don't think I want to go in that direction... Ungh...
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6 comments:
If I were you, I'd take a step back and evaluate where I'd want to go in life, and where I'd want to end up. If you don't know where you want to end up, work on figuring that out. Once you know where you want to go, figure out what you have to do to get there. For me, there's no real benefit in pursuing a relationship with someone like Kevin, because it doesn't get me anywhere close to where I want to end up - in fact, it keeps me away from where I want to be. That added perspective gives me a lot of strength to move things in the direction I want rather than to be swept up by what anyone else wants for me.
In other news, your brother sounds like a dork.
drex has some good thoughts there all that i want to add to your list of "lusty" plays et al, is the collected works of Shakespeare. its filled with innuendo and double engendras (sp?).
lusty ol' dog.
I think it's clear that you have selected a destination. You just need to step back and evaluate which car you want to take you there.
"For fear of judgement, I don't want to get into all the specifics of that conversation, but I have no idea what I'm going to do now..."
I'm a hypocrite, because I withhold certain things from my blog too, but, whose judgment are you fearing? Maybe people won't judge you but will have good input. Maybe I'm just curious and want you to spill all the beans. ;-)
You really do need to decide whether you want to have a relationship with Kevin, who to me seems quite interested in the one thing he's "sworn" not to do with you, at your request.
I fully agree with drex and Loyalist.
Your brother sounds like a moody teenager. Welcome to mood-swing central.
If you don't like where Kevin will take you, then you need to re-evaluate and change direction. I guess that's pretty blunt, and that it's a really hard thing to do, but when you step back, it really comes down to a simple decision. And I have faith that you can make that decision and stick to it.
Also, I agree with L--about spilling the beans. :) I hope you are well. I envy your being in Oregon. Hehe.
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